Touching zero

Over the last few weeks I’ve been looking at my life, and working out what I wanted to do with it. It’s not been easy… some of the time it’s been quite dark, quite painful and I have felt the harsh winds of loneliness and failure tear into me quite keenly. I’ve looked at where I have got myself to and wondered if there was really anything for me to contribute to this world.

And yet some of my friends have had other ideas. They have never stopped believing in me, and in my gifts. They’ve never stopped believing in who I am.. and I’ve learned to listen.

You see, I found out that Life hadn’t let go of me. In fact, let’s be very honest about this from the get-go… GOD hadn’t let go of me.

And one of the ways that she lets me know that I am still being loved and still being held is through other people. People who love me enough to tell me the truth. People who remind me just who I am. People who care. Like the precious friend who reminded me “Thank you for being the warm, kind, gentle, intelligent person that you are and for being in my life. You make it a much richer place.” And that’s what led me to some decisions…. Of which more in another post.

So while I was lost in a fog of not knowing what I wanted to do… there were some other people who still believed in me. As one of them wrote “Well, no way do I see you as battered and defeated…you are one of the most amazing people I have ever met. You have had some crap thrown at you but yes you are still here and here with a purpose. You inspire me and those around you.” Even when I had to drop out of the Inter Faith Seminary, one of the leaders had the grace to tell me “Your clarity, strength, courage, tenderness and praise of the group touched my heart. You are here for some pretty important work and I will always hold you in my vision as a positive beacon of light”

And someone else reminded me.. “You have one of the most beautiful spirits I have ever met and you need to share this with the world, for the world and for your self. When you speak people listen, when you go on a journey, they follow. They do this because you are there with them, what you see and feel they will also. You do this not because that’s what you are paid to do but because you feel it with every fibre of you. Never lose sight of this. You make a difference in the world in every moment that you are here. You are brave, strong, courageous, loving, and so many other things that only God and your angels know”.

So I had to think about a few things, and decide – do I still have something to bring to the world? Do I still have a gift to bring? Sounds like a ‘yes’ to me….. especially when I was introduced at a recent event as “probably the best at what he does in the world”

So it’s time to agree with one of my colleagues, who advised me that “The mighty is still the mighty” and another who simply said “this is the year – the rest were just preparing the groundwork to see who has the courage and stamina to keep going and have personal faith.”

So to my beautiful, beautiful friends… you may never know just how important your faith has been. You may never know what you have changed in my life. But I am humbled. And grateful.

Now I just want to pause for a moment and tell you straight – I’m not writing these things to tell you how great I am. I’m writing these things to tell you that even when it seems darkest… there are plenty of people who are rooting for you.

So here’s the message.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve been through. What’s happened to you is simply ‘What is’ as my son reminded me. Look beyond it. Look to the future. Look to what could be. Decide that you’re going to live life differently. Decide that things are going to change. Decide Who You Are. And then let that out – and change the world.

You have a gift. You have something to bring to the world. There are people around you who will remind you of that fact. Listen to them. Listen to your heart. And believe. Believe in YOU.

So get ready for some announcements – because I’m back…..